I recently got to experience something that all bloggers dream would occur to them, I met one of my readers in real life and got some real life critique and input on what I should write more about, what I should change, improve and so forth, let's call him MC for writing purposes. So MC was talking about the movie reviews, how they were missing something crucial, a rating system. MC went on to describe the many different ways one could go about creating a rating system and stated that without one the whole of the review just seemed lacking, like there was no real conclusion because in the end the reader doesn't really know what the rating really means. This troubled me and I had to concede that he had a point, and it spawned a conversation on names for this epic meter, MC came up with the triple M, Mario's Movie Meter, I instantly loved it, it's simple, and catchy, it's not fancy and corny, thus I was down. So without further ado here is an explanation of the Triple M, may this be your guide for all future movie reviews done in this blog in the future.
MMM Rating: Instant Classic (I.C.)
Sometimes in rare days, usually over the summer, there comes a movie that not only stands out among the rest but elevates itself to such a level that it cannot be rated anything but an Instant Classic. This is a rare occurrence and will not be a rating you'll see used much, but it does exist. The movies within this list are not perfect movies, these movies are not like the 5 star movies in dealing with how Oscar worthy the movie was, these movies are in a different scale. Key examples are movies like "The Godfather", "Star Wars", "The Big Lebowki", all three movies differ in genre and style, and all three movies have their flaws, but all three movies are classics, they are beyond the five point scale, these are the movies that will live on forever and deserve much more respect.
MMM Rating: 5/5
The best way to describe a five star movie is to name a few titles that best encompass this particular rating, movies like "Shawshank Redemption", "Gladiator", "American Beauty", "Shakespeare In Love", "Midnight In Paris" and "Saving Private Ryan" are all a good balance of what a five star movie looks like. These are the movies that capture us, that dominate our souls for the whole two hours of showtime. Not only are these movies well directed and written, but these movies have a fantastic cast of brilliant actors and actresses that have come together to create gold. Five star movies are the type that you buy and add to your collection, the type you defend when someone speaks ill of it, the one you feel attached to even after just watching it from the theater. A five star rating is a big deal.
MMM Rating 4/5
A good example to define this rating is "The Book Of Eli". The movie has a good cast, a good theme, it has everything one needs in order to have a successful movie but in the end it leaves you craving for a little more, a little lack of cheese at times or a little more background on the theme we are seeing. These movies are great, amazing even, these are the ones you definitely go watch in theaters and maybe add it to your collection of movie if the price drops under fifteen dollars. Though these movies are great and though they capture your attention, they just lack the necessary magic found in five star rating movies, it isn't a big deal though, you enjoyed yourself all the way through, it was a good time, just not a stellar "I'm going to watch this movie ten more times" kind of vibe.
MMM Rating 3/5
"The Amazing Spiderman" is a perfect example of a three star movie. It's a movie with a good cast but not a great one, with a nice story not a brilliant one, which entertains you fully but does not wow you in any way, it's definitely the kind of movie you would watch again if it came on TV but would think twice before buying unless you found it at a Walmart five dollar bin, this doesn't speak ill of the movie, it just means that this was a fun movie but not a great one, it contained all the elements one would need in order to be entertained for the duration of the movie but afterward there was no firework that went off in your soul, there wasn't this need to watch this again or talk about it insensibly. These are still good movies, in a "nice" sense, you will never see a three star movie win an Oscar, but you will be entertained when they come on TV on a Saturday afternoon and relieve you of your boredom.
MMM Rating 2/5
For this category just include *every Jason Statham movie here* and you'll come to understand what it takes to be a two star movie. These movies aren't good, they don't have a good plot, the acting is overdone and cheesy but even though the movie itself isn't fantastic you still are entertained by what is happening on the screen. Let's take "Crank" for example, the movie is absurd, Jason is playing himself again and killing everyone in sight, he jumps from cars, he gets banged up to a ridiculous degree and still wins in the end, it's obnoxious from beginning to end, and in the end of it all there is still an enjoyment that can come from watching it. Mind you, this is not the type of movie one would buy, or re-watch at the theaters, that's for sure, but this is one of those movies that even though it violates everything a good movie should be, it still entertains you, even at a primal level. So, two star rating, think Jason Statham.
MMM rating 1/5
I personally think that one star movies are the hardest to pin down, for there are clear choices of movies that are one star and some that should get negative stars, but for the sake of keeping this rating system reasonable I'm going to lump "Chupacabra Massacre", "Gigli", "Troll 2" and "Furry Vengeance" all into this singular rating. These are the movies that are so bad that you can't help but walk out of the theater and get your money back. There is only one place that I can see these movies being any "good" ( I use that term loosely in this example) and that is if you are having a "bad movie night" with some friends and want a bad enough movie that it entertains you all while giving you some laughs in the process. This is the bottom of the barrel, it's a rating I wish I could use sparingly, but Hollywood does like to produce garbage so it can't be helped.
So this concludes the explanation to the triple M scale, from now on I'll include a link to this article in every movie review ever posted here, just in case you need a reference to what I mean when I say a movie is a three star MMM movie. The scale has been set, now you know, and knowing is half the battle.
Love from your humble blogger,
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