Wednesday, September 12, 2012
How Crying Changed My Life
There was another lesson I learned when I was young that brought me much distress when I got older, the teaching that showing your emotions is a bad thing and that guys don't cry. It seems dumb to some when they hear the rule, it is obvious that that is a dumb rule, that this is something unhealthy and prejudicial that has been passed down from various generations, but it was ingrained in me just as it is ingrained in many men and women around the world. For men the saying is a little different, the opposite saying is that women are always emotional, both are false and both rob us of reaching our full potential as human beings, we need to put a stop to this in order to aid future generations.
The stigma came about my the whole thought that the man is supposed to be the protector of the house, that a man is superior and therefore cannot show weakness when around his wife, if weakness is shown she might think you are weak and that could lead to other complications. This whole dilemma is more complicated then some would like to admit, a lot of it had to do with women not having rights, a lot had to do with arranged marriages, also the marrying age plays a huge role as well, and if we take in the more barbaric times in human history then yes it was very important for the man to be tough and be able to protect the home, but all those factors are no longer in play today, we are under a new era and new eras need new rules.
There is a deep seeded problem when it comes to following old customs in today's age, the issue arises in the fact that this not only does not work but that causes more harm than good. In today's age there are no sword wielding bandits that will try to rob you causing you to have to be tough and battle ready, today we have guns which both men and women can operate and defend the house with, women have rights and we no longer are living in a western. The marriage age is later, on average mid 20's instead of mid teens, and we also don't have arranged marriages but mostly marry for love, divorce is more accepted now so worry of spousal murder is no longer a thing (in most cases). We live in a different world now, so this whole macho "boys don't cry" thing actually causes men to suffer more, to go through some deep sad times they don't have to go through.
Here is a simple concept that has proven true, if you do not face your emotions head on but hide them, there will come a time where your emotions overwhelm you and you either lose control over something small, develop some deep psychological trauma, or cry over the smallest things, basically you can have a major breakdown, no one can hold on to all their emotions and never let them out, it's just not how we were built. You know, even in the olden days when a friend passed away they would cry to their heart's content, they would tare their clothing in half and mourn for a few days. Today if you cry for a fallen friend then you are "weak", looked at as a lesser man, as someone that needs to learn how to close his feelings off still, this is the other problem to this dumb rule, not only do people enforce it but they also upped the scale of the rule, it's like every man should be like Clint Eastwood in one of his westerners, never showing emotion no matter what.
Well I'll tell you another rule that goes against this rule, "Sometimes it is good to have a good cry when tough times strike". You don't have to do it in public, you can use a movie if that will justify it better for you, just sit in your room and let it out, let it all out, after you're done you'll feel a lot better, a ton better, and be more in control of your emotions. Not only that but when your friends ask you how you are doing be honest and tell them that you're going through a tough time, don't worry, they are your friends, friends care when their friends are suffering. Sometimes we make ourselves feel alone by the fact that we don't open up to anyone, how is anyone going to help you if you never open up to them. This applies to close friends and family. Though taking this to the extreme and being open to everyone is another absurd we should seek to avoid, that brings about a whole new set of problems.
Well, I hope you have a good cry sometime this week and that this post might aid you in being more open with yourself and others when it comes to tough struggles within your life.
Love from your humble blogger,