Monday, September 10, 2012

How Having A Female Friend Changed My Life

     For the longest time in my life I've always held to the simple truth that guys and girls can not be best friends. This was instilled in me by the constant drama that came from having close friends that were the opposite sex, on both sides mind you, there always seemed to be drama coming from either side causing any type of close friendship with the opposite sex to be something that could never truly work. Hidden agendas as in trying to get into each other's pants, having a secret crushes or trying to get something out of the friendship is a constant issue for those that try to have close friends of the opposite sex, this seemed like a dumb move and thus I've always steered clear of it, why would I ever succumb to such a risk of stress and drama just to have a female friend?

     Until recently I've always been the type to have multiple girlfriends a year, dating is a lot of fun. In my younger days, in High School and Undergrad, I was a little out of control and never really settled down with anyone, I actually ended up being in many horrible relationships which all tainted me more and more against ever allowing myself to possibly be close to anyone, from getting cheated on to dating girls that had severe issues, it was a mess. There was obviously something wrong with me, some type of dependence in having someone around, a lack of self-esteem, some need for acceptance but really I think this whole thing happened because of the fact that I was taught at a young age that guys and girls couldn't be friends.

      The physical aspect within a relationship is fun, sure, but that wasn't why I dated so much, it was due to the fact that I didn't know how to be friends with a girl without more being involved, I had no idea how to get close to a girl and not take it to the next level, this is a problem. This meant that the majority of the time that I dated someone it was due to the fact that I just wanted a close friend that was a girl to talk to but due to my upbringing just couldn't fathom doing so outside of the dating world. Personally I think this is a huge issue within today's society, something I've experienced and something I've seen many experience as well.

      As a general rule guys don't like talking about their personal issues with other guys. It is rare for a group of guys to be able to sit down and talk about their issues to one another, in fact the only place I've ever heard of something like that happening is church groups, or accountability groups, but rarely do you experience that within male friendship. Girls are different though, a girl will listen and not only just listen but she'll care, she'll sit there and let you talk, she'll give you some advice and help you understand yourself better in the process. Obviously this is a bit of a generalization, but in my personal experience this had been the case.

     Recently I became close friends with a girl, I broke my rule and decided to give this whole being friends with a girl thing a shot, and it has been one of the most rewarding experiences in my life. I would say that this platonic friendship is the exception to the rule but I've recently witnessed many friendships of the like working thus the rule was tossed out in my book. This friendship has changed my whole perspective on relationships, and has made dating for me irrelevant, I love women, don't take me wrong but due to the way by which I've looked at relationships for my whole life this friendship has not only opened my eyes to my reoccurring self-destructive patterns but also the fact that I would rather wait for someone that I fall head over heels over then to just date random people. The need for female friendship is being met and therefore the need to date a lot becomes a second thought, it's an interesting phenomenon.

    It's a very American thing to encourage guys and girls to not be close, in other countries such as Italy or Brazil friendship between sexes is a norm and it shows, specially in the way they behave towards each other. If you're a guy and you are like me, having this dumb rule clouding your judgment, I recommend you find a close female friend, it will not only change your life but will aid you in being able to know yourself better and be able to grow in various ways. This is a balance though, it's not one or the other but both, you should have close guy friends and close girl friends, balance is important in life.

   My hope is that this post might help at least one of you out there to not commit the same mistakes I committed for so long, and possibly save you from much heartache and headache.

  Love from your humble blogger,

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